Archive for May, 2009

Inverted Commas

The UK’s right-wing press have been getting all worked up about homophobia this week. (And no, not in the usual way, where anything short of public lynching for anyone straying outside traditional gender stereotypes is considered Political Correctness Gone Mad.) This time, the Daily Mail and its ilk appear to be on the side of the gays. Yes, a newspaper which is traditionally less lenient than Mein Kampf when it comes to sexual minorities is condemning someone for making discriminatory remarks about homosexuality… But oh, it’s Jonathan Ross they’re condemning… Ah. I see.

In this story, Jonathan Ross, natural nemesis of the Daily Mail, has got into trouble for a comment on his radio show. All of a sudden the media’s staunch gay-bashers are outraged on us deviants’ behalf. The tabloids, the news, and a whole host of rent-a-slebs are all leaping in to defend us from him. Yes, in their opinion, we’re bad, but he’s worse. If there really is a Gay Mafia, as factions of the press would have us believe, then those same factions will be hoping that Ross has woken up at some point this week with a horse’s (or Hannah Montana’s) severed head in his bed, all for saying: “If your son asks for a Hannah Montana MP3 player, you might want to put him down for adoption before he brings his … erm … partner home.” Which, of course, would be an awful thing to say, if he’d actually said it. The thing is, he didn’t.

YES! HE DIDN’T SAY IT!

What he actually said was this: “If your son asks for a Hannah Montana MP3 player, you might want to already think about putting him down for adoption in later life when they settle down with their, erm, partner” (recording here, evidently posted by someone who was too angry to listen to it properly.) Earlier on the radio show, they’d been having a discussion about same-sex parents being able to adopt children, and Ross was referring to the hypothetical male Hannah Montana fan and his hypothetical future gentleman-friend being able to adopt a child of their own in later life! Even the dubious “erm, partner” comment appears to be a callback from an earlier discussion about what to refer to a gay chap’s boyfriend as. What he said made perfect sense in context, but has not only been taken out of it, but completely fabricated. Let’s hope that a few more people realise that @Wossy has been wronged before he receives any further punishment.

Stellar Rimming

I know. It’s wrong to make fun of the hilariously insane. Yet sometimes, one comes across a website that is just too entertaining not to share.

http://stellarimington.blogspot.com/ - A first glance at the URL caused me to assume that Dame Stella Rimington, former Director General of MI5, novelist and occasional media commentator, had started a blog. A second glance made me think that I’d fallen through the matrix. A third glance, then, convinced me that if THE TRUTH is out there, it is known only to schizophrenic misogynists who spend a lot of time sitting at a computer, furiously wanking over the thought of a murderous, drug-addled Stella Rimington typing in the nude and dancing to Abba’s “Super Trouper” at S&M clubs.

The blog itself is pretty sparse, Rimington’s alternative biography post being the most entertaining, though even this pales into relative mediocrity in comparison with its “comments” section. Replies from the paranoid and horny describe Rimington’s involvement in Satanic branding rituals, Illuminati blood sacrifices to the planet Venus, sperm-theft, lesbian vampirism, sex slaves in the world of professional tennis, and more conspiracy-based wank-fodder than you could shake a lizard-proofed stick at. Look out for such inadvertently amusing quotes as: “…STELLAR RIMMING…was her new ID…”; “…Rimington would then eat various parts of the relatively unformed foetus…”; and “…Those in attendance were… Andrew Marr (he spent most of the time naked and screaming - off his head on some form of narcotic)…”

The blog’s author and its commentators speak of how infamous Dame Stella and her celebrity entourage are on the BDSM scene. I haven’t bumped into her yet, but will be sure to buy her a drink if I do.

Leia Waterboarded

We at SlideRulesYou.com are admirers of both Leia-Ann Woods and waterboarding. Although our love for waterboarding is conditional, our love for Leia is not. Last week, the two were combined in the most wonderful way, and she’s written about the experience in her blog. Click here to read.

Kinkophobia

Excellent article from Heresy Corner on questions of identity, the Equality Bill, and prejudices faced by anyone with a kink or two. Click here to read.