ABOUT: who is Ms Slide……?
Lions are predominantly nocturnal, dozing for up to twenty hours on an average day, then rising in the evening to concentrate on acts of intense and bloody violence, before feeding, drinking, and going back to sleep again. Ms Slide operates in much the same way.
She is rumoured to be anything from zero to several million years old, though carbon-dating suggests that she’s probably about thirty. Having loitered around the edges of the fetish scene in London since the late ‘nineties, Ms Slide can often be seen destroying hapless minions at fetish clubs, holding regular private parties and appointments, and doing nasty things to nice people on naughty websites. She’s from the same part of the world that spawned the marvellous Derren Brown, which could explain her love of the hypnotic arts and one-time goatee beard.
As well as being “Best of Forum” Magazine’s agony aunt, Ms Slide has also been made House Mistress for “Forum” and “Desire Presents BDSM” and regularly contributes to all three, as well as a number of other publications. She also helps out at several club nights, especially Club Pedestal where she helps train house slaves and becomes predictably drunk and obnoxious throughout the course of the evening. Ms Slide will happily write in exchange for coins. If you have work for her, do feel free to get in touch.
Ms Slide is a Dominatrix. A Dominatrix is not a prostitute. I will say this again, for those who don’t quite understand, or who have ever inadvertently read The News Of The World: A DOMINATRIX IS NOT A PROSTITUTE. Much as prozzies do an admirable job, as does anyone who works in a profession that involves taking orders from someone else (be they a street-sweeper, soldier, or second-in-command at Microsoft) a Dominatrix doesn’t get fucked in exchange for cash, and is subordinate to nobody. Ms Slide will not be told what to do. She is perfectly aware that her stubbornness is a character defect, but it works very well for her chosen career, so she’s sodding well sticking with it.
Whether you get a private session with Ms Slide depends entirely on your timing and her mood. Her policy for selecting clients is similar to that of a hyperactive kitten who’s stumbled across a nest of terrified, scurrying ants. She’s a flighty, fickle, capricious creature, and if she doesn’t reply to an email or text message then don’t take it personally. It probably just means that she can’t be bothered to go through her messages, and thus the spam-pile has consumed it. Ms Slide has the attention-span of a stoned goldfish, and if she appears to be ignoring you, she’s almost certainly become momentarily fascinated by someone or something else and is neglecting her admin. (Well, unless you’ve sent her a copied-and-pasted message with a haughty list of demands, trying to order her to order you around. In that case, she is ignoring you.) She sessions when she chooses, with whom she chooses, and charges what she chooses, depending entirely on her whims and cravings. Sometimes she wants to enslave someone. Sometimes humiliate. Sometimes hurt. She doesn’t care how much money you have. If your interests match her desires, then you’ll probably get a reply. If not, you won’t. Either way, life goes on*.
She writes. She paints. She faffs about with electronic music and loops, not through any particular talent, but because she finds it fun. She likes the usual things that most humans like - comedy, reading, naked women, history, espionage, films, Stephen Fry, DVD box-sets, men who cry, obscure albums, gardening, leather gloves, morris dancing (the concept at least - she hasn’t actually tried it), and red wine. She dislikes casual racism, tabloid newspapers, and food that has a face. She lives in a beautiful little house between London and Gatwick with a small, green Senegal parrot called Sir Digby Chicken-Caesar.
Contact Ms Slide at Slide@SlideRulesYou.com
*unless she kills you.
