Archive for the ‘prostitution’ tag

Craigslist

Part of an excellent article by Jennifer Abel for the Graun on adult service ads being banned from Craigslist:

‘…”Adult” services, of course, is a euphemism for “sexual” services. Lawmakers hated Craigslist from the get-go because sex workers used it to advertise their services. Yet if you listen to politicians praise themselves now that the ads are gone, you won’t hear much talk about banning activity between consenting adults. No, politicos prefer to invoke The Children. In a statement her office released Saturday, California congresswoman Jackie Speier blamed websites such as Craigslist for child prostitution. “We can’t forget the victims, we can’t rest easy. Child sex trafficking continues and lawmakers need to fight future machinations of internet-driven sites that peddle children.”

No argument there: forcing children into prostitution is an utterly abhorrent crime. Forcing anybody into prostitution is, and when callous sociopaths turn innocent victims into sexual slaves for their own profit, it’s undeniably good when police shut down these loathsome enterprises.

Yet when attorneys general started crusading against Craigslist, it wasn’t kidnapping rapists they worried about, but adults who made money selling consensual services. In my own state of Connecticut, Attorney General Richard Blumenthal (now a Senate candidate) has been on the Craigslist warpath since at least 2008. That March, his office put out a press release saying: “As a small step in response to my concerns, Craigslist now requires anyone posting a listing in the erotic services section to provide a phone number. This step, however, will hardly deter the prostitution problem on the site, and may indeed make it worse. Many of the most graphic solicitations already include a telephone number to enable prospective patrons of their services to contact them.”

But now it’s about the children. Why do so many politicos cling to the fiction that the best way to stop coerced sex acts is to criminalise consensual ones? Maybe that’s an unfair question; it’s not just lawmakers who claim this. Any time you suggest legalised prostitution might be better than the dangerous, illegal status quo, opponents always raise the spectre of sexual slavery.

And it’s not only prostitutes whose opponents blur the line between coercion and consent; any sex-themed work inspires such dishonesty. I’ve faced it personally: in my university days I worked as a stripper and now, years later, occasionally wax nostalgic about it on websites like this. Without fail, whenever I write on the theme “Ich bin ein ex-go go dancer,” a subset of the commentariat insists I was exploited, whether I knew it or not. Contributed to the oppression of others. And what about enslaved women forced to become strippers, huh?

The protests are exponentially more heated when ex-prostitutes write to defend their trade. Too many otherwise sensible people believe sex, alone among all forms of human interaction, spawns some malignant magic whenever money changes hands. It’s still perfectly legal to search for sex on Craigslist; you just can’t exchange cash for it…’

Full article here.

Sex Worker Literati

People often consider a prostitute to be a disposable commodity. It’s been the same throughout human history and you only need look at the news this week to see that little has changed.*

(*For those abroad who have missed the UK’s blanket press coverage, a male criminology student has killed some prostitutes in Bradford for - it appears - the pursuit of his own infamy. He’s allowed himself to be caught and now the tabloids are splashing his posed black-and-white headshot across their front pages and repeatedly writing his self-bestowed superhero pseudonym in excited block-capital headlines. It gives him glorification he doesn’t deserve. His victims were incidental. They’ve been dehumanised, both by the murderer and by sections of the media. Each has been been reduced to a tiny photo and a name, mere fodder for the ambition of a mentally ill narcissist. Is serial murder now just “Britain’s Got Talent” for people who can’t sing or dance?)

There’s always been contention over whether or not a Dominatrix can be classed as a “sex worker”. Either way, I’ve observed that everyone I’ve met who, through their own choice, works in the adult industry is exceptionally talented in the fields of art, music or literature. I’m not sure if it is a reflection of how creative sex workers are, or of how lamentably difficult it is to make a living as an artist, musician or writer.

Anyway, this correlation has seen the rise of New York collective “Sex Worker Literati”. It began with the book “Hos, Hookers, Call Girls and Rent Boys: Professionals Writing on Life, Love, Money and Sex”, a literary anthology by people who are working, or have worked, in the sex industry. In a bar that was once an erotic massage parlour, the book’s contributors would meet for public readings and performances, and as the event’s popularity increased, other writers from the sex industry were invited for guest spots and the Sex Worker Literati was formed. They now meet on a monthly basis at the Happy Ending Lounge and a portion of the bar proceeds go towards groups and charities supporting and protecting sex workers.

Find out more at www.hoshookerscallgirlsrentboys.com.

Pros and Cons

People both inside and outside of BDSM have strong opinions about Pro-Dommes. It’s often said that when domination is paid for, it becomes a service industry. By accepting money from a client, the Domme is negating any authority she has over him and has to pander to his requirements, and is therefore a prostitute of sorts.

I can only speak for myself and the other Pro-Dommes I’ve worked with, but we get paid to do exactly what *we* want. The majority of clients who approach me for sessions are turned down. I could be very rich if I were to take on those whose fantasies didn’t interest me, or those who had the wrong attitude, or simply didn’t say please in their introduction. I live a financially modest lifestyle because I’m picky.

Otherwise, the sub would have control and the power dynamic would have become decidedly squiffy. It’s interesting to explore a client and discover where the sensitive points inside his (or her) head are, but ultimately, the Domme chooses what she wants to do in the session, and ultimately who she sessions with, and no cheeky bugger ever, ever, EVER gets to make demands of her. I’m willing to forego the mansion and the Bentley in favour of my own dignity.

The practical study of desire and excitement is something that beats in my chest, fills my lungs, and runs through my veins, and getting to live it full-time is a wonderful thing. If I became a scene purist and ceased to charge for sessions, I’d have to take on a vanilla job, and inevitably, no matter how far up the hierarchy I was, I’d have a boss. A boss! A boss who isn’t me! I’d be underpaid, knackered, and frustrated. Why on earth would anyone want to do that? That, for me, would be prostitution.

Sex and the Subby

It’s a question I’ve been asked on many an occasion by clients and potential clients, and one I don’t have a simple answer for. It’s a legitimate enquiry, and something that every straight-talking sub has a right to ask a professional Mistress. In this industry, we’ve all heard it at one time or another, haven’t we?

“DO YOU DO SEX?”

Well, do we? Firstly, what is sex? Bill Clinton had a hell of a time trying to define “sex” whilst trying to bluster his way out of the Lewinsky affair (as well as talking himself into a conceptual cul-de-sac by also trying to define the word “is”). There was a cigar, a spunky dress, and some songs by Sarah McLachlan. But was there sex? Ten years and a lot of speculation later, the world is still not entirely sure.

Many years ago, I had a debate with two music industry executives who denied that lesbian sex counted as “proper” sex. In their opinion, real sex had to involve a man, full penetration of a cock (made of flesh, not silicone), and a messy ejaculation of sperm to conclude the proceedings. They insisted that it’s not sex if the man doesn’t cum. I asked whether they considered it sex if the woman didn’t cum. They looked blank, perplexed perhaps by the idea of a female orgasm. I informed them that the majority of my own past experiences of what they considered “proper sex” would be entirely disallowed by that criteria, leaving only the encounters that did make me cum but didn’t involve a penis or any sperm - and so what did this make me? A sexually-prolific virgin?

So anyway, back to the question of sexual activities in a Pro-Domme session. Well, this is a difficult one, and I can only speak for myself here. Many Mistresses pride themselves on the “NO SEXUAL SERVICES” rule, and this I understand. After all, under current UK law, openly advertising sexual acts for money is technically illegal and, BDSM or not, would be classed as soliciting prostitution. Yet some would argue that any fetish is, in itself, sexual - even if all sets of genitals are left squarely out of the equation. Clients often ask if I get turned on during sessions. And I do, but it’s a different kind of arousal for me. It’s not a sexual thrill. It goes far deeper. When I go into Dommespace, I feel like my head is full of thunderstorms and I become God. The power is so intense that I glow like the ReadyBrek kid and I’ll be on a buzz for hours afterwards. Yet I rarely have the urge to actually do anything sexual with the sub, or with anyone for that matter. It’s like my brain itself is charged up with energy, and my body just wants to stand serene and blaze with light. A mindgasm perhaps?

Some other Mistresses or establishments offer a varied shopping list of activities, as if a person’s fetish for submission can be satiated by ticking boxes and having each service performed by rote. Yet no matter how naturally dominant a working woman is, her relationship with each client is different, and surely being expected to perform certain services indiscriminately takes away her choice, and ultimately her power. Many of the best overtly sexual domination scenes we see online are often those where the subtle interplay has developed between partners over a long period of time. This intimate level of interaction can’t just be summoned at will as soon as a sub walks in and demands it. As soon as a Domme feels obliged to do something she doesn’t particularly want to do, or has to do it with someone she doesn’t particularly want to do it with, then surely she is no longer truly in charge? If she does something merely to please the client and not herself, then something has gone rather awry in the pecking order. And of course, there is a market for this sort of pseudo-domination. There will always be the boys who get off on finding a dominant woman and overpowering her, albeit with money or demands rather than in a physical way. And there’s nowt wrong with it, if everyone involved is happy with that arrangement. Since the beginning of time, there have been those with a fetish for flipping the Domme, and good luck to them.

But I don’t work like that. As a Dominatrix, I am averse to following the orders of anyone, least of all a client. I can’t be bought. I do exactly what I want to do, and that could be just about anything. Instead of a sub requesting a series of actions for me to carry out (yuck - as if!), I like to burrow inside his psyche and find where the sensitive spots on his mind are. And what I choose to do with them? Well, it all depends on how I’m feeling at the time. There are sessions where I torture a client with a complete lack of physical contact, using hypnosis to ramp up the frustration to an unbearable level. And then, of course, there are the sessions where the sub will leave in a state of physical collapse, for one reason or another. It’s up to me. Nobody, no matter how much money he flaps in front of me, can tell me what to do. So in conclusion, there still isn’t really a straight answer to the initial question, but all I can say is this:

Q: “DO YOU DO SEX?”

A: “Oh my dear, dear sapling, I do exactly what I want to do, and you don’t even begin to get a say in it… Understood?”

Q: “Um yes.”

A: “Yes MISTRESS, you mean!”

Q: “Argh, sorry, ouch, yes Mistress.”

A: “Good.”

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